Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
