If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize