Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
