I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
