guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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