Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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