So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
