Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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