omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
