and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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