I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
