there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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