she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize