i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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