I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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