Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
