census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
