True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
