i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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