Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am mentally ready for anal.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
