I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
