She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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