we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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