just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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