You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
