Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
