Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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