Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize