What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
