I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
