wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
