My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
