You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
