So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize