Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
