apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
