and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
