a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
