You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
