Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
they're like a gay fantastic four
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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