I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
