He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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