final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
