just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
