we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
