R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
