Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i will never coherently bang her
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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