**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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