when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
