how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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