She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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