Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
