There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
