shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
