I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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