: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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