smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize