HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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