Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
