the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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