Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
