Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
