You're completely useless in the revolution.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
