Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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