How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize