Whod you bang
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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