how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
