My hand turned me down
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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