Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
