I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
