yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
