We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
