It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
