ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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