All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
