Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
