this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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