I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
