When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
