That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
