i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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