i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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