so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i will never coherently bang her
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
