I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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