she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
