Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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