Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
