Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
