I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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