Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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