Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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