dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
