were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
