So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
