I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
