haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
vagina is talking i cant
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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