I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize