I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
