i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
