just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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