Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You made out with two different species that night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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