please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
